Act Helpless and He Will Come

Photo courtesy of kissmestace.com

Comedian Steve Harvey just released his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What men really think about love, relationships, intimacy, and commitment. Basically he tells women to pretend they are unable to do certain everyday tasks and allow men to do it for them. This allows the men to "feel like a man". Apparently, men need to feel like they are needed. The notion that men are the ones who provide for and protect their woman is deeply engrained in their minds.

But there's a new generation of women who are sick of playing this game. They are strong, smart and independent. They refuse to demean their intelligence to attract men. I am one of them. But let me be clear. I think it is romantic when a man opens the car door for me or gives me his coat when I'm cold. But I never act like I am unable to take care of myself. I'm a grown woman afterall. I see this a lot when I go to parties. A man will hand me a beer and twist it open for me. Is this romantic or is he assuming I am unable to do this on my own, thus fulfilling his need to be needed?

In an interview, Harvey goes further and says women don't have a choice but to act this way if they want to find a man. "It's great that women are upwardly mobile now. I think that a woman would love to have a shoulder to lean on, love to have a strong male figure around, but you've got to allow that to happen in your life. If you're going to portray that you don't need a man, that's not really going to attract any men." Oh really? Well I haven't had any trouble finding men. But maybe I'm an exception.

Are men intimidated by self-sufficient women? I don't think so. Because in the end, a relationship is about fulfilling a need for intimacy with another person. A need to feel like someone cares about you and is there for you no matter what. This doesn't mean being there to change a light bulb or open a jar. This means having someone there to listen to you when you're pissed off or to hold you when you're sad.

I think, above all, MEN are the ones who need this from women. Men don't express their emotions with male friends, but feel more open to this communication with women. I don't think men realize how much emotional support a woman provides a man. And this is far more important than opening a car door!